WALT: entatane
Swimming Writing 14.8.14
My body starts to shake as the airy silence takes over me. Not a noise, not a sound, just silence. I glance to my left as Jacob turns to face me. he gives me a smiles. Then I put on my game face. Then every thing seems to slow down. My heart pulses in my ears. The hooter goes, I hurtle into the pool at lightning speed.
Thump! my stomach breaks through the surface. My nose is flaming with bubbles. All is can hear and see is frantic splashing coming up out of every direction. I taste chlorine in my gaping month as I burst the surface to gasp a breath of air. I'm exsorsted. My legs are burning and my thies are killing me.
I finally see the end of the pool rocketing towards me like a incoming fraught train. I start to slow down. "But I can't I say Keep going, just about there". Thwack! My hand smack onto the wall as my body comes to a screeching halt.
I burst up to the surfios for a much deserved breath. Cheers erupted. as a take my goggles. I glance over where the parents are all sitting. I see my mum jumping up and down. I blush as she put her thrums up at me. Then I turn and high five Jacob in the lain next to me. He's grinding from ear to ear. Then he exsclames. "we tied."
By Ben Irvine
Feedback: I like the way you
Feedfowd:
Great piece of writing Ben! I feel nervous for you just reading it! You have used onomatopoeia: "Thump".
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